Today was another kind of strange day, but it has nothing on Friday's ridiculousness! We had a police officer at the school kind of patrolling around, but at least he didn't have a rifle strapped to his chest. There was apparently another threat over the weekend, and it was on the news and in the newspapers. A lot of parents were hesitant to send their children to school because of all of this, so we had a small class today (20 instead of the regular 26). It's amazing what a difference it makes when even one child is gone, not to mention six! I hate to say it, because it's best for the children to be at school...but one day with a smaller class is a nice break.
I also did my midterm evaluation today. I did a self-evaluation and then Aryn did hers for me, too. We compared afterwards. Let me just put this out there -- I am VERY tough on myself when it comes to evaluations. If it is set up on a 1-4 scale (as this one was) with 4 being "exceeds expectations," 3 being "meets expectations," 2 being "approaches," and 1 being "you are terrible - what are you even doing here?" I will never give myself a 4. It's so weird to me to rate myself that high. I just think of it like this: I set expectations for myself at all times, and they're really high. Like, really high. I have high expectations for myself but pretty low confidence, so it is nearly impossible for me to exceed my own expectations. I either meet them or I do not. There is no "exceeds" to me. So I gave myself mostly 3s with a lot of 2s, and each one got an explanation on why I think I need help with whatever it is. This is also how I think at work when I do these self-evaluations, where I actually am super confident...but I still don't think it's possible to do better than I expect of myself. And every time, I hear other people telling me I'm "too hard on myself" and I see other people give me mostly 4s with some 3s (like Aryn did today). I can't help it. I am hard on myself.
This got me thinking, though...maybe it's not that I'm just too hard on myself. Maybe it's that I legitimately do not see the things that others see when they look at me. I think I'm doing something one way, but it doesn't look that way to everyone else. I think that's why comparing our own perceptions of ourselves to others' evaluations of us is so important, because it helps us to see what we might be overlooking. It makes me feel better about myself and my teaching, knowing that Aryn thinks I'm exceeding in all of these areas that I thought I was lacking in. I feel dumb, because I hear people say these things and I just ignore them so that I can tell myself that I'm doing worse than they say. That makes no sense.
I'm beginning to see that one of the biggest parts of teaching is just believing that you can do it, and that you can teach it, and that you're doing a good job. If you don't think you can teach it, the children aren't going to think they can learn it. I'm finally seeing that -- now, in week 9. I see it.
Maybe we're all a little too hard on ourselves sometimes. We want to be great, but we trick ourselves into thinking that we aren't. It's interesting how other people see the strengths that we miss in ourselves.
Monday, March 11, 2013
Friday, March 8, 2013
Day 40 - March 8, 2013
On Wednesday when I said the week is all "downhill from here," I had no idea how right I was. Yesterday was madness, but it was nothing compared to today. The mom of the girl who had a mini panic attack yesterday came in the this morning, really unhappy. I guess no one called her to explain the situation and her daughter was really upset all night. I felt like the worst person on the entire planet in that moment. I wanted to go cry in the corner like my kids do when they get into trouble! I don't think that I necessarily did anything wrong (in fact, I KNOW I did the right thing and said all the right things to her when we were talking about it), but I still felt like I should have done something different. Oh, I don't know anymore. Can I honestly learn to teach?
I didn't think it could get any more downhill than that. But boy, does life have fun little surprises for us. Later, one child in our class threatened another child with physical harm, so that merited a trip to the principal and a discussion with the counselor and a calling of the parents...it was dramatic.
And then the lockdown. Yes, it really happened -- we went into lockdown. Lights off, door locked, curtains closed, kids in the corner with us around them, sitting...silently. I have always been prepared for things like this mentally (and I wasn't scared or anything) but it was hard to sit there and not know what was happening. I'm sure the kids felt this, too -- but more so. We sat there for what felt like forever but could not have been more than 20 minutes. Thankfully, all 26 children were in the classroom when we went into lockdown, so we didn't have to worry about where they were. The only "scary" moment was when the principal came to check on each class and she knocked on the door. We weren't expecting it, and it was pretty loud, so I think all three of us (the teachers) jumped about a foot into the air. I guess we were all a little more nervous than we let on.
After the lockdown was let up, we still had to keep our kids in the classroom. This meant they had to be escorted to the bathroom and we had to do a double knock on the door to be let back in. Luckily since it was Friday, we were just doing Fun Friday rotations so the three of us could be in, out, and all around the classroom as needed. Of course today was the day I did the messiest craft with my group, so I had hands covered in paint and liquid starch, running around the room. Then, when we finally finished our rotations and were ready to have snack, we were told that school would be dismissed at 2:55 instead of the usual 3:10/3:15... so we were rushing, running, trying to get coats on and backpacks zipped and snacks eaten and tables cleaned and chairs stacked. I'm exhausted just thinking about how absolutely ridiculous today was. I even got to leave at 3:00 because all the children were gone by then, but it still feels like the longest day of my 40 days so far.
This day was banana sandwich. And I am thankful that it is over. I am thankful that all of the children are safe, and that even though it wasn't a drill, we could tell them that it was. Because nothing happened to us. It's scary these days to sit there picturing what could happen. I wish I didn't have to seriously plan how to get kids out of the room and away if I need to. But I do. And I guess that is a good thing. Just a sad one.
I didn't think it could get any more downhill than that. But boy, does life have fun little surprises for us. Later, one child in our class threatened another child with physical harm, so that merited a trip to the principal and a discussion with the counselor and a calling of the parents...it was dramatic.
And then the lockdown. Yes, it really happened -- we went into lockdown. Lights off, door locked, curtains closed, kids in the corner with us around them, sitting...silently. I have always been prepared for things like this mentally (and I wasn't scared or anything) but it was hard to sit there and not know what was happening. I'm sure the kids felt this, too -- but more so. We sat there for what felt like forever but could not have been more than 20 minutes. Thankfully, all 26 children were in the classroom when we went into lockdown, so we didn't have to worry about where they were. The only "scary" moment was when the principal came to check on each class and she knocked on the door. We weren't expecting it, and it was pretty loud, so I think all three of us (the teachers) jumped about a foot into the air. I guess we were all a little more nervous than we let on.
After the lockdown was let up, we still had to keep our kids in the classroom. This meant they had to be escorted to the bathroom and we had to do a double knock on the door to be let back in. Luckily since it was Friday, we were just doing Fun Friday rotations so the three of us could be in, out, and all around the classroom as needed. Of course today was the day I did the messiest craft with my group, so I had hands covered in paint and liquid starch, running around the room. Then, when we finally finished our rotations and were ready to have snack, we were told that school would be dismissed at 2:55 instead of the usual 3:10/3:15... so we were rushing, running, trying to get coats on and backpacks zipped and snacks eaten and tables cleaned and chairs stacked. I'm exhausted just thinking about how absolutely ridiculous today was. I even got to leave at 3:00 because all the children were gone by then, but it still feels like the longest day of my 40 days so far.
This day was banana sandwich. And I am thankful that it is over. I am thankful that all of the children are safe, and that even though it wasn't a drill, we could tell them that it was. Because nothing happened to us. It's scary these days to sit there picturing what could happen. I wish I didn't have to seriously plan how to get kids out of the room and away if I need to. But I do. And I guess that is a good thing. Just a sad one.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Day 39 - March 7, 2013
What a day, what a day, what a day...
Today felt really long. Like, REALLY long. We had a fire drill this morning, which threw us off a little because it happened right when we were walking to P.E., and so we had to go outside in the crazy wind. The kids were all squealing about how cold they were and we missed about 10 minutes of P.E. because of it! A highlight of the morning was that I got to drive over to the Pre-K center in town and observe another student teacher do an art lesson with her kids. They were adorable, and they really liked it! I am glad that we get to go into one another's classrooms and see what goes on.
After lunch, Aryn left for a 1/2 personal day, so it was Jennie and I in the classroom. I did the other half of my pre-assessment (a journal entry about what they would do if they were pirates) and it went fantastic! Their entries were adorable. I am excited to see how they do on the rest of their entries. Math went well too, both morning and afternoon. Things were going great...
And then. It happened. Yesterday Aryn had a class meeting with all of the children to talk about the way they treat our library books. The rule now is that any child who sits, stands, throws, or otherwise mistreats a book will need to move his/her name on the discipline chart. And today, it happened. One girl (who hardky ever gets into trouble) was pushing a book around on the carpet, which Aryn used as a specific example of what NOT to do with the books. So I talked with her about it, and I asked her what we needed to do next. She said, "move my name?" And I said yes...that's the rule for the class now, so that's the rule for her, too.
Disaster. Crying. Hyperventilating. Crying. Begging. Crying.
It went on for about 30 minutes. I was trying to decide between teaching the class and helping her get control, and Jennie was trying to both things at once...and it was rough. Really rough. I wanted to cry, too. I could not stop thinking about it on my way home from school today. I felt like such a terrible person. I hate it when they cry, I really do. I didn't want to make her cry.
That's the hardest part of teaching. Knowing how to teach and assess and all of that is one thing...but you also want to make them feel good about themselves. Help them. Keep their spirits up. I do not think that I did that today. I tried to calm her down, and talk to her about how we all make mistakes and the important thing is that we learn from them...but Jennie still had to bust out the paper bag to stop the hyperventilating. So that was kind of an unsuccessful discussion.
Oh, well. Tomorrow is a new day.
Today felt really long. Like, REALLY long. We had a fire drill this morning, which threw us off a little because it happened right when we were walking to P.E., and so we had to go outside in the crazy wind. The kids were all squealing about how cold they were and we missed about 10 minutes of P.E. because of it! A highlight of the morning was that I got to drive over to the Pre-K center in town and observe another student teacher do an art lesson with her kids. They were adorable, and they really liked it! I am glad that we get to go into one another's classrooms and see what goes on.
After lunch, Aryn left for a 1/2 personal day, so it was Jennie and I in the classroom. I did the other half of my pre-assessment (a journal entry about what they would do if they were pirates) and it went fantastic! Their entries were adorable. I am excited to see how they do on the rest of their entries. Math went well too, both morning and afternoon. Things were going great...
And then. It happened. Yesterday Aryn had a class meeting with all of the children to talk about the way they treat our library books. The rule now is that any child who sits, stands, throws, or otherwise mistreats a book will need to move his/her name on the discipline chart. And today, it happened. One girl (who hardky ever gets into trouble) was pushing a book around on the carpet, which Aryn used as a specific example of what NOT to do with the books. So I talked with her about it, and I asked her what we needed to do next. She said, "move my name?" And I said yes...that's the rule for the class now, so that's the rule for her, too.
Disaster. Crying. Hyperventilating. Crying. Begging. Crying.
It went on for about 30 minutes. I was trying to decide between teaching the class and helping her get control, and Jennie was trying to both things at once...and it was rough. Really rough. I wanted to cry, too. I could not stop thinking about it on my way home from school today. I felt like such a terrible person. I hate it when they cry, I really do. I didn't want to make her cry.
That's the hardest part of teaching. Knowing how to teach and assess and all of that is one thing...but you also want to make them feel good about themselves. Help them. Keep their spirits up. I do not think that I did that today. I tried to calm her down, and talk to her about how we all make mistakes and the important thing is that we learn from them...but Jennie still had to bust out the paper bag to stop the hyperventilating. So that was kind of an unsuccessful discussion.
Oh, well. Tomorrow is a new day.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Day 38 - March 6, 2013
Today was another good day! It seems like Wednesdays are like that lately. Math went well (we played War with Jacks, Queens, and Kings as well as A-10). I was pleased with the lesson overall. Tomorrow we are distinguishing left and right, which I'm a little nervous about...but we'll see! We're singing the Hokey Pokey, so that will be fun.
The most exciting part of today was my handwriting lesson. Whenever we don't have a letter for the week in Reading (like this week) I've been doing numbers with them. We did 1-30 about five times over the last few weeks, but today I gave them a real challenge: a blank 100s chart that they were to fill in 1-100. I told them at the beginning that I did not expect them all to finish in the 20 minutes we had before switching with Ms. Margie's class, and that we would have plenty of time to finish later. TEN OF THEM DID IT IN 20 MINUTES! I was ecstatic. The other 12 finished during centers later. All of them but four finished, and they went to 50 (which was good enough for me!).
It was fascinating to see them fill in the numbers. I have tried to show them the patterns in a hundreds chart before (how all of the numbers in a row start with the same number and all of the numbers in a column end in the same number) but it just didn't click until they were filling in the numbers themselves. By the time they got to the 40s, I saw a lot of their little light bulbs turn on, and they realized that they didn't have to keep counting on every single time...they just followed the patterns. Some of them even started filling in their chart going down rather than across, because they saw the pattern. I am just blown away by how they figure things out. That is why I do love math, but in small groups or individually. I get to really watch them and talk with them about how they find their answers and how there are so many ways to get the same answer. That's the best part about doing the Drops in the Bucket math with them during my small-group rotations, because I have them do the problems individually and then compare to see if they did it the same as or differently than everyone else. It really is so interesting to watch them compare answers and methods.
I'm feeling good right now. Wednesdays are nice. This week's all downhill from here! Seven more school days until Spring Break. :)
The most exciting part of today was my handwriting lesson. Whenever we don't have a letter for the week in Reading (like this week) I've been doing numbers with them. We did 1-30 about five times over the last few weeks, but today I gave them a real challenge: a blank 100s chart that they were to fill in 1-100. I told them at the beginning that I did not expect them all to finish in the 20 minutes we had before switching with Ms. Margie's class, and that we would have plenty of time to finish later. TEN OF THEM DID IT IN 20 MINUTES! I was ecstatic. The other 12 finished during centers later. All of them but four finished, and they went to 50 (which was good enough for me!).
It was fascinating to see them fill in the numbers. I have tried to show them the patterns in a hundreds chart before (how all of the numbers in a row start with the same number and all of the numbers in a column end in the same number) but it just didn't click until they were filling in the numbers themselves. By the time they got to the 40s, I saw a lot of their little light bulbs turn on, and they realized that they didn't have to keep counting on every single time...they just followed the patterns. Some of them even started filling in their chart going down rather than across, because they saw the pattern. I am just blown away by how they figure things out. That is why I do love math, but in small groups or individually. I get to really watch them and talk with them about how they find their answers and how there are so many ways to get the same answer. That's the best part about doing the Drops in the Bucket math with them during my small-group rotations, because I have them do the problems individually and then compare to see if they did it the same as or differently than everyone else. It really is so interesting to watch them compare answers and methods.
I'm feeling good right now. Wednesdays are nice. This week's all downhill from here! Seven more school days until Spring Break. :)
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Day 37 - March 5, 2013
Today was a fantastic day! I don't know quite what it was, but I am just feeling in that really good mood again. The kids were a little wild today, but I did not let it bring me down. Math went pretty well, and I cannot get over how amazing it is to get to teach it twice a day. The afternoon session is ALWAYS better. I feel a little bad for my kids since they get the worst of it each day, but I'm thankful that I get that chance to practice some more.
One of the best parts of today was journaling. Usually I come up with an appropriate prompt for whatever we are learning about that week, and I put a sentence starter on the board (like "I love...") and then have them finish the sentence. Today, however, I didn't use a sentence starter, I just asked them to tell me what they wanted to be when they grew up. They really ran with it! I was so excited, and Aryn was, too. Their illustrations were fantastic, and they are getting so much better at sounding words out. I took a picture of each one of their entries (all 26 were here again today) because I am just so proud of them! Here are a few of my favorites:
They're just so adorable! I want to put them all here but it would just be too long. :)
One of the best parts of today was journaling. Usually I come up with an appropriate prompt for whatever we are learning about that week, and I put a sentence starter on the board (like "I love...") and then have them finish the sentence. Today, however, I didn't use a sentence starter, I just asked them to tell me what they wanted to be when they grew up. They really ran with it! I was so excited, and Aryn was, too. Their illustrations were fantastic, and they are getting so much better at sounding words out. I took a picture of each one of their entries (all 26 were here again today) because I am just so proud of them! Here are a few of my favorites:
"I want to be a cop."
"I want to B a chef."
"I want like to bey a vet neren"
(I would like to be a veterinarian)
"I am grnt to Beu a nrs"
(I am going to be a nurse)
"I want to bey a vet"
(I want to be a vet)
"Wen I groe up I wont to Bee a Plysman."
(When I grow up I want to be a police man)
They're just so adorable! I want to put them all here but it would just be too long. :)
Monday, March 4, 2013
Day 36 - March 4, 2013
Today was a pretty good day. It went by quickly, which is always nice. The best part of today was that math went really well! I tossed the Saxon Math lesson plan out the window and did my own thing (I'd already lesson planned for it, so I wasn't just pulling it out of thin air). I created a Smart Board page, made it all interactive, and did it with both classes today. Aryn complimented me and said she really liked the modifications that I had made! It was exciting, especially since math is my nightmare. (Have I mentioned that before?)
Today was also fun because I did my oceans pre-assessment. I had a blank map with five places marked (one on each ocean) and the names of the oceans cut out on different colored pieces of paper. I had the children go through them one at a time and put them where they thought they belonged. I emphasized that I didn't expect them to know all of the answers yet, since I haven't taught them anything about oceans! They really did try hard on the pre-assessment. Afterwards, I noticed that a whole lot of them put the Arctic Ocean down at the bottom, and I realized that they had just done a penguin unit before I got there, and so they connected "Arctic" with "Antarctica" and knew that penguins live at the South Pole...or Antarctica. It was pretty clever and showed good critical thinking skills...even though it was still wrong. I'll have to make sure to talk about the difference between the two places explicitly when I start my unit. In the end, most of them placed 0 correctly, a few placed 1, and one child placed 2 correctly. I'm pleased, because this leaves a lot of room for improvement! I think that once I teach them the song and we practice over and over, they will all show marked improvement by the end of the unit. I'm very excited to see how they grow over the next month.
I am aiming to finish most if not all of my lesson plans this week. I have 1/2 of next week's plans done, and I want to finish at least Opening, Journaling, Handwriting, Math, and Reading for the next 6 weeks. I'm saving planning Rotations because those depend on how the children are doing and what we need practice with, so it's best not to plan those well ahead of time. But the rest of them are pretty straightforward and I just need to put it all into writing! That is my project for the week. We'll see how my progress is coming when Friday rolls around.
Today was also fun because I did my oceans pre-assessment. I had a blank map with five places marked (one on each ocean) and the names of the oceans cut out on different colored pieces of paper. I had the children go through them one at a time and put them where they thought they belonged. I emphasized that I didn't expect them to know all of the answers yet, since I haven't taught them anything about oceans! They really did try hard on the pre-assessment. Afterwards, I noticed that a whole lot of them put the Arctic Ocean down at the bottom, and I realized that they had just done a penguin unit before I got there, and so they connected "Arctic" with "Antarctica" and knew that penguins live at the South Pole...or Antarctica. It was pretty clever and showed good critical thinking skills...even though it was still wrong. I'll have to make sure to talk about the difference between the two places explicitly when I start my unit. In the end, most of them placed 0 correctly, a few placed 1, and one child placed 2 correctly. I'm pleased, because this leaves a lot of room for improvement! I think that once I teach them the song and we practice over and over, they will all show marked improvement by the end of the unit. I'm very excited to see how they grow over the next month.
I am aiming to finish most if not all of my lesson plans this week. I have 1/2 of next week's plans done, and I want to finish at least Opening, Journaling, Handwriting, Math, and Reading for the next 6 weeks. I'm saving planning Rotations because those depend on how the children are doing and what we need practice with, so it's best not to plan those well ahead of time. But the rest of them are pretty straightforward and I just need to put it all into writing! That is my project for the week. We'll see how my progress is coming when Friday rolls around.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Day 35 - March 1, 2013
And so ends the craziest week to date. The kids were BANANAS today. Absolutely insane! This week was fun for them, but it was hard for us as teachers. We had an assembly every day, we had an extra assembly today, the kids were dressed up wackily every day, they had to have indoor recess every day...I can only hope and pray that next week is much better than this one. Missing a day and a half for me didn't help (and I'm sure it made things more difficult for Aryn, too). Luckily, I was back before Jennie got sick (Wednesday) and so it was never just one teacher in the room with all 26 kids.
I am ready for Spring Break! I'm definitely excited for the week off, but I'm also really excited to do my unit. I'm partly excited because I want to see how it goes and if I can successfully teach everything I want to teach to them, and partly -- well, mostly -- excited because once I finish it I am on the downhill slide! I immediately start giving back control of the classroom over the final 4 weeks and I get closer and closer to graduation...and throwing myself fully into my graduate studies...and getting married. :)
This is going to be a very interesting next couple of months. Graduation is 2 months away. It sounds unbelievable. I've been working for this for the last four years, and now we're down to 2 months. It is so crazy to think about. I feel like it hasn't been that long, and yet at the same time I know it has. I am so ready to finally have that teaching degree!
This weekend I'm actually going to relax and have some fun, just like everyone is always telling me to do. Of course, I still have a To-Do list with a bunch of things on it, but I think I can knock them out tonight and Sunday, which means I get to actually be a normal human being for a day tomorrow. We'll see if I like it.
I am ready for Spring Break! I'm definitely excited for the week off, but I'm also really excited to do my unit. I'm partly excited because I want to see how it goes and if I can successfully teach everything I want to teach to them, and partly -- well, mostly -- excited because once I finish it I am on the downhill slide! I immediately start giving back control of the classroom over the final 4 weeks and I get closer and closer to graduation...and throwing myself fully into my graduate studies...and getting married. :)
This is going to be a very interesting next couple of months. Graduation is 2 months away. It sounds unbelievable. I've been working for this for the last four years, and now we're down to 2 months. It is so crazy to think about. I feel like it hasn't been that long, and yet at the same time I know it has. I am so ready to finally have that teaching degree!
This weekend I'm actually going to relax and have some fun, just like everyone is always telling me to do. Of course, I still have a To-Do list with a bunch of things on it, but I think I can knock them out tonight and Sunday, which means I get to actually be a normal human being for a day tomorrow. We'll see if I like it.
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