I cannot believe I am at day 50 now. 50 days sounds like so many, and yet I feel like I've been there for much longer. Regardless, I feel like it's a very important milestone. We are at the school for 70 days, and we're at 50. We are over 2/3 done. I only have 4 weeks left. FOUR WEEKS. I cannot believe that one month from now I will be finished with my student teaching.
Now that I feel like I'm almost there...I've been thinking: Will I ever come back to this school when I'm finished? Will I ever see Aryn again, or any of these children, or any of the other teachers? I wonder because over the last four years I have gone to many, many field sites. I've spent time with so many teachers, hundreds of children... (Wait...hundreds? Really? That sounds like a lot. At least 100 though. For sure 100.) and I never went back and saw them. On my last day at each of these places, I've said my goodbyes, and hugged the kids, and listened to the teachers tell me that I can visit any time, that they hope to see me again, that if I never need anything I can come back.
And I never do. I never, never do. I don't know why. I always mean to, but I never do. I always have my excuses -- I don't have time (valid), a lot of them are kind of a drive (also valid), and I am always already invested in a new classroom with another group of children (valid I suppose but also kind of sad). However, I've never been this invested in a classroom. 70 days is a lot. I will have been with them for half of their kindergarten experience. But even so, I still wonder if I will ever see them again. It's a little depressing to think about this now, and I have to remind myself that I still have 20 days with them and I should cherish them. Today was another great day, and it made me start to miss them already, even though I'm not even leaving yet. But it happens. Teachers don't get to stick around with their kids forever. Even Aryn, who gets to see kids in the same school from K through 5th grade, has to say goodbye sometime. Kids move away. They go on to middle and high school. They change schools, they leave town...they do. You don't get to stick with them forever. That's sad, though, isn't it? Every child I've ever worked with has made me wonder what they will be like when they grow up. I want to know what their lives will be like. I want to know what kind of person they will be. I want to know if our high school personalities match our kindergarten ones. But I won't know, because I can't just stalk a group of children for 12 years. Firstly, it's super creepy, and it's also impractical. So I always just say goodbye...and I know that they remember me for a while but then they forget.
I had a group of kindergarteners (4th graders now) when I was a senior in high school that I worked with for an hour every morning. I go back by the school a couple times a year and see them. I still get hugs (I know that'll probably end soon since they're all getting older) and we talk and they remember me...but it's getting harder. They're getting older. And I love seeing them get older and seeing how much they've changed...but it's hard because I know they're going to forget me. And I'm never going to forget them -- my first little group -- and everything they taught me. On the same note, I know I am also never going to forget the group I have now -- my last little group before I get my own -- and the amazing (though sometimes frustrating) experiences they have provided me with. I probably won't see them as often as I see my first group. I didn't go to this school, my dad doesn't teach at this school, I'm not close with all of the teachers at this school...so I probably won't come back. It's sad but it's just the feeling I'm getting. So I'm going to cherish these last 4 weeks, take lots of pictures, and always remember this little group of friends that let me teach them while they taught me so much more.
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