Today was exhausting. I began my first day of student teaching and it was not at all what I expected! I'd previously gone to the school and met the teacher, but today was the first day I met the children. I walked in, not really knowing what to expect. The children are very sweet (kindergartners), and they are very responsive to their teacher. I hope that with time they treat me the same way! I know that I have to earn their trust and respect, but today made me feel like I got off to the right start.
I was surprised with how often the children are not in the classroom -- today they went to assembly, P.E., music, lunch/recess, and language with the teacher next door...all without us being there! I'm a little worried that I'm not going to have time to actually teach anything with the children gone for so long each day! (But I'm sure I'm overreacting and everything will be fine...I'll just keep telling myself "everything will be fine, everything will be fine...")
I'm also worried that I am going to perform poorly this semester because I recently realized that teaching is not really what I want to do anymore. I am still interested in it, and it is something I could see myself doing for a while, but that passion and drive that I've had for the past 10 years is just...gone all of a sudden. I can't explain it. I don't exactly know why. Maybe it's because the last 10 years have been leading me to what I truly want to do...research, and teacher education, and assessment...but it feels so strange to think that what I've been working toward for the last 1/2 of my life is not what I thought it was. I am absolutely going to try my hardest this semester...but I can't help but question if my heart is still really in it or not.
Time will tell. This is only Day 1.
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