Today I came to a realization: I love kindergarten!
This whole teaching thing has been a ridiculously complicated rollercoaster that I fear might be leading me right back to where I started. Do I want to teach? I legitimately do not know. It's so strange to go back and forth like this. Come on, now.
I do know this...if/when I become a teacher, I want it to be in Pre-K or kindergarten. I was right in 5th grade when I said I wanted to teach kindergarten. Today, as I was listening to some of my fellow student teachers talk about their experiences in the older grades, I said something that really stuck with me. Someone said "Today was a hard day in 3rd grade," and without even thinking, I said "Well, it's always a good day in kindergarten." And it is. No matter what happens, and what worries I may have before or after the day is over, all of the tiny hugs and the "I love yous" and the little giggles...they make it a good day.
Today I also remembered something that I think we as teachers often forget: There are always those children who act out, seek attention, talk constantly...and I feel like so many teachers label them as troublesome and this affects the way they teach them. Aryn is showing me that regardless of what a child did 30 seconds ago to make you angry or frustrated, when it's done, it's done. You let it go, and you love them anyway. It makes me sad when teachers hold stupid grudges because a child didn't listen to them four hours ago and so today is going to be a "bad day" for that child, whatever.
These kids need love, and teachers need to give it to them unconditionally...because besides their parents and families (which honestly are not always that reliable in the "unconditional love" area) we are the most consistent thing they have. So when the kids come up to me and hug me and tell me they love me, I don't do that awkward wiggle-out that so many teachers do because we're all so scared of what's appropriate and what people will think or say or do. These kids NEED hugs, and so I am going to give them all the hugs they deserve. Aryn loves these kids. I love these kids.
There are always those ones that you want to save...take them home and make everything okay for them because their lives are so upside-down. But you can't just take the kids home. So you have to love them while you have them and send them home with at least something to smile about.
Those are my thoughts today. After yesterday, all I care about is loving these little babies. I know there is more to being a teacher, and I know that I can do all of those technical things (the lesson planning, the assessment, the individualized instruction). But now I am realizing that this part might be more important.
I don't know. I don't know if this is how teachers think. I don't know a lot of things...can I honestly learn to teach?
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